Okay, usually I hate it when people passive-aggressively rant, but that doesn't mean I'm not tempted. Here are some examples that irk me. Wording changed to protect...uh...anyone from knowing I am talking about them.
Some people are just jerks who should never have been baby daddies in the first place because they don't pay child support.. #deadbeatdads
I hate it when people don't communicate and then blow me off. #youknowwhoyouare
No one has the right to speak to me like that! #notputtingupwithitanymore
I'm giving into temptation, but I'm going to make this productive and not just steam-blowing. In order to this, first I'll have to point out some things people, perhaps even you, say in an effort to help others. I believe these things aren't helpful and sometimes aren't true. So you might feel criticized, and feel free to read my reasoning and respond with your own.
"Try" is a dirty word, because we don't try - we DO! As Yoda said, "Do or do not - there is no try."
Example:
"I'm really going to try to finish all my chores today."
"Don't try - DO it!"
Untrue: My friends, Yoda is full of crap. And I'm afraid Flylady is too [but just in this respect], if you know who that is There is "try." "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." There must be "try" before there is "do."
Unhelpful: The purpose of this phrase is to help someone develop a positive attitude toward accomplishing something, which is a noble goal. But lying to the person isn't going to help, and will only make them more discouraged if they end up "trying" and not "doing."
Better:
"I'm really going to try to finish all my chores today."
"Do you feel like your chores list is reasonable for your physical and emotional capabilities today?"
"Yeah."
"Then I know you have the capacity to do it and I'm here to cheer you on. It'll feel so good when it's finished."
God won't give you more than you can handle.
Example:
"My ex husband is trying to take my kids away from me. I've had pneumonia for weeks and I'm about to lose my job. I'll probably be homeless soon."
"Don't worry. God won't give you more than you can handle."
Untrue: Yes, he will. You were never meant to handle all the ugly stuff by yourself. That's the whole reason Jesus died.
Unhelpful: This phrase is trying to be encouraging, saying "You've got this, you can do it." But another way to phrase this is, "This shouldn't be so hard for you" or "Stop being overwhelmed." Sometimes life is overwhelming. It just is.
Better:
"My ex husband is trying to take my kids away from me. I've had pneumonia for weeks and I'm about to lose my job. I'll probably be homeless soon."
"What you are going through absolutely sucks and there isn't anything I can say that will lighten the load. But we do have a God who promises to be with us. "The Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." "Nothing can separate us from the love of God." "God takes care of the little birds and the flowers, and he'll take care of you.
You can do anything you set your mind to.
Example:
"I wish I was a good runner."
"You can do anything you set your mind to!"
Untrue: No, you can't. Not "anything." I would like to be a good runner, but considering I suck at walking, that is not going to happen. Perhaps someday there will be something that will fix my legs, but no amount of "setting my mind" will let me run.
Unhelpful: If you can't do something, and someone says you can, you feel guilty and lazy, as if you could just try harder and do it.
Better:
"I wish I was a good runner."
"This sounds like a great goal because it seems reasonable and completely doable. How can I help you accomplish this?"
This person died because God needed another angel.
Untrue: There is nothing in the Bible that supports our deceased loved ones becoming angels. God doesn't "need" angels.
Unhelpful: It sounds so nice to say this, but lies aren't helpful.
Better:
"This is such a hard grief to bear...but this person died because she had accomplished everything God set out for her. That means she's in heaven and we will see her again!"
I like to live life with no regrets.
Untrue: You need regret in order to not make the same stupid choices you've made in the past.
Unhelpful: See above.
Better:
"I try to learn from my past mistakes while moving forward with the present."
People who do good things restore my faith in humanity.
Untrue: I'm sorry, but why would anyone have any faith in humanity? Especially if you are a believer, you know that people are inherently sinful. Humanity is callous, hurtful, proud, unhelpful. We think only of ourselves, we ignore and judge the needy. Even the compassion we show can be for selfish purposes! "No one is good except God alone." "Our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment [literal translation: menstrual cloths.] Don't have faith in humanity for any reason. Seriously, you're just going to lose it again. Have faith in God's goodness.
Unhelpful: Don't screw up or you'll make me lose my faith in humanity again.
Better:
"When people do good things, it reminds me that God is at work in the world and he can use anyone to do his work."
Okay, fine, I'll stop. There's plenty more where that came from. What do you think? Am I being too harsh? Too literal?
Some people are just jerks who should never have been baby daddies in the first place because they don't pay child support.. #deadbeatdads
I hate it when people don't communicate and then blow me off. #youknowwhoyouare
No one has the right to speak to me like that! #notputtingupwithitanymore
I'm giving into temptation, but I'm going to make this productive and not just steam-blowing. In order to this, first I'll have to point out some things people, perhaps even you, say in an effort to help others. I believe these things aren't helpful and sometimes aren't true. So you might feel criticized, and feel free to read my reasoning and respond with your own.
"Try" is a dirty word, because we don't try - we DO! As Yoda said, "Do or do not - there is no try."
Example:
"I'm really going to try to finish all my chores today."
"Don't try - DO it!"
Untrue: My friends, Yoda is full of crap. And I'm afraid Flylady is too [but just in this respect], if you know who that is There is "try." "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." There must be "try" before there is "do."
Unhelpful: The purpose of this phrase is to help someone develop a positive attitude toward accomplishing something, which is a noble goal. But lying to the person isn't going to help, and will only make them more discouraged if they end up "trying" and not "doing."
Better:
"I'm really going to try to finish all my chores today."
"Do you feel like your chores list is reasonable for your physical and emotional capabilities today?"
"Yeah."
"Then I know you have the capacity to do it and I'm here to cheer you on. It'll feel so good when it's finished."
God won't give you more than you can handle.
Example:
"My ex husband is trying to take my kids away from me. I've had pneumonia for weeks and I'm about to lose my job. I'll probably be homeless soon."
"Don't worry. God won't give you more than you can handle."
Untrue: Yes, he will. You were never meant to handle all the ugly stuff by yourself. That's the whole reason Jesus died.
Unhelpful: This phrase is trying to be encouraging, saying "You've got this, you can do it." But another way to phrase this is, "This shouldn't be so hard for you" or "Stop being overwhelmed." Sometimes life is overwhelming. It just is.
Better:
"My ex husband is trying to take my kids away from me. I've had pneumonia for weeks and I'm about to lose my job. I'll probably be homeless soon."
"What you are going through absolutely sucks and there isn't anything I can say that will lighten the load. But we do have a God who promises to be with us. "The Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." "Nothing can separate us from the love of God." "God takes care of the little birds and the flowers, and he'll take care of you.
You can do anything you set your mind to.
Example:
"I wish I was a good runner."
"You can do anything you set your mind to!"
Untrue: No, you can't. Not "anything." I would like to be a good runner, but considering I suck at walking, that is not going to happen. Perhaps someday there will be something that will fix my legs, but no amount of "setting my mind" will let me run.
Unhelpful: If you can't do something, and someone says you can, you feel guilty and lazy, as if you could just try harder and do it.
Better:
"I wish I was a good runner."
"This sounds like a great goal because it seems reasonable and completely doable. How can I help you accomplish this?"
This person died because God needed another angel.
Untrue: There is nothing in the Bible that supports our deceased loved ones becoming angels. God doesn't "need" angels.
Unhelpful: It sounds so nice to say this, but lies aren't helpful.
Better:
"This is such a hard grief to bear...but this person died because she had accomplished everything God set out for her. That means she's in heaven and we will see her again!"
I like to live life with no regrets.
Untrue: You need regret in order to not make the same stupid choices you've made in the past.
Unhelpful: See above.
Better:
"I try to learn from my past mistakes while moving forward with the present."
People who do good things restore my faith in humanity.
Untrue: I'm sorry, but why would anyone have any faith in humanity? Especially if you are a believer, you know that people are inherently sinful. Humanity is callous, hurtful, proud, unhelpful. We think only of ourselves, we ignore and judge the needy. Even the compassion we show can be for selfish purposes! "No one is good except God alone." "Our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment [literal translation: menstrual cloths.] Don't have faith in humanity for any reason. Seriously, you're just going to lose it again. Have faith in God's goodness.
Unhelpful: Don't screw up or you'll make me lose my faith in humanity again.
Better:
"When people do good things, it reminds me that God is at work in the world and he can use anyone to do his work."
Okay, fine, I'll stop. There's plenty more where that came from. What do you think? Am I being too harsh? Too literal?
I agree with all but the last one.. I think.. well, I know I've said that in the past, but maybe what I meant is "..there are still good people out there.. other believers/nonbelievers who actually care about other people" It isn't something that you can screw up for me, but just as hard as I looked for the bad things in other people when I was busy being pharisee-chick, that is as hard as I have to work to see the good things that God has placed around me, and that includes people. Maybe sloppy wording is more the problem here.. Attributing the goodness to the people rather than the Creator that made and orchestrates their lives.
ReplyDeleteIt's not too harsh. I agree there is something wrong with most of these. About regrets, I'm not so sure; we need conviction so that we repent of sin, but once we do, why not let it go and move on? The parallel is forgiveness: forgiving someone doesn't necessarily mean you trust them again; you still have to be wise in how you live.
ReplyDeleteAnother one that irks me: "You only live once [so you might as well do something stupid]." Yes, you only live once (even if forever), so your life is precious and opportunities may not come back; but that doesn't mean you say yes to every opportunity.