Part 2
Part 3
Stuck in my mind the last few weeks has been the reverse version of a Christian principle. The principle is: We do good works not because we fear hell, but because we love God.
I stumbled on a differently -worded version of this principle a couple weeks ago, when I was desperately praying for someone at work. She and I used to be good friends, sharing our faith with each other...then she started treating me like an annoying fly. And it hurt, so I did the Christian thing and kept reaching out to her, kept smiling in response to her annoyed face, gave her space so I wouldn't intrude but made sure all my conversations were very kind, and my emails had cheerful "Thank you!"s and "Hey, how's it going?"s.
I got so tired of doing the "Christian" thing, let me tell you. It got to the point where it nearly killed me to put an exclamation point in her email, or to say her name without turning my face dour. So I finally prayed. "God, I'm done. I can't be nice to her anymore. I'm putting so much energy into being nice to her, I don't have energy to be nice to other people. She's not receptive; I don't want to waste my kindness on her." God listened patiently, then asked me, "Why are you trying to be nice to her in the first place?" I answered immediately: "Because I want her to like me!"
And there were, as Tommy would say, crickets. I realized how ludicrous my motivations were. The more I thought about it, the more I realized this question God asked me could be asked of anyone.
My boss is "spiritual," gregarious, much-loved, and I jokingly call her a hippie because she is so full of grace and peace. She consistently stresses that we must be kind to each other. You never know what someone is going through, she says. You could make someone's day with a smile. She is a preacher of good works if I ever saw one, and she entreats everyone around her to give kindness and forgiveness. Her "sermons" always bugged me; and I never knew why until now.
It's because, for one, she's preaching to the choir. Everyone knows that they are supposed to be nice to other people. Everyone agrees that it is noble to overlook someone's wrongs toward you and forgive them. And if my friend is not being forgiving to someone, and I say "You should be more forgiving," it's not going to change her mind.
What I'm driving at is motivation. Why do we strive to be nice and kind? Why do we try to forgive, or at least admit that forgiving is the noble thing to do?
Here's some possible reasons I've come up with:
Before I tear these apart, I'll see if I get any feedback from readers about other motivations. I've witnessed with this challenge/argument/perspective several times and I want to bolster it, and share it with others. Stay tuned and give me your ideas!
Part 2
Part 3
Part 3
Stuck in my mind the last few weeks has been the reverse version of a Christian principle. The principle is: We do good works not because we fear hell, but because we love God.
I stumbled on a differently -worded version of this principle a couple weeks ago, when I was desperately praying for someone at work. She and I used to be good friends, sharing our faith with each other...then she started treating me like an annoying fly. And it hurt, so I did the Christian thing and kept reaching out to her, kept smiling in response to her annoyed face, gave her space so I wouldn't intrude but made sure all my conversations were very kind, and my emails had cheerful "Thank you!"s and "Hey, how's it going?"s.
I got so tired of doing the "Christian" thing, let me tell you. It got to the point where it nearly killed me to put an exclamation point in her email, or to say her name without turning my face dour. So I finally prayed. "God, I'm done. I can't be nice to her anymore. I'm putting so much energy into being nice to her, I don't have energy to be nice to other people. She's not receptive; I don't want to waste my kindness on her." God listened patiently, then asked me, "Why are you trying to be nice to her in the first place?" I answered immediately: "Because I want her to like me!"
And there were, as Tommy would say, crickets. I realized how ludicrous my motivations were. The more I thought about it, the more I realized this question God asked me could be asked of anyone.
My boss is "spiritual," gregarious, much-loved, and I jokingly call her a hippie because she is so full of grace and peace. She consistently stresses that we must be kind to each other. You never know what someone is going through, she says. You could make someone's day with a smile. She is a preacher of good works if I ever saw one, and she entreats everyone around her to give kindness and forgiveness. Her "sermons" always bugged me; and I never knew why until now.
It's because, for one, she's preaching to the choir. Everyone knows that they are supposed to be nice to other people. Everyone agrees that it is noble to overlook someone's wrongs toward you and forgive them. And if my friend is not being forgiving to someone, and I say "You should be more forgiving," it's not going to change her mind.
What I'm driving at is motivation. Why do we strive to be nice and kind? Why do we try to forgive, or at least admit that forgiving is the noble thing to do?
Here's some possible reasons I've come up with:
- I try to be nice to others so that they will be nice to me.
- I do good things because what goes around comes around.
- I spread joy because it gives me purpose.
- I try to forgive others because it is the right thing to do.
Before I tear these apart, I'll see if I get any feedback from readers about other motivations. I've witnessed with this challenge/argument/perspective several times and I want to bolster it, and share it with others. Stay tuned and give me your ideas!
Part 2
Part 3
Comments
Post a Comment