Jump to Part 2.
The Surprise
I once helped to plan a friend's surprise birthday party. My job was to spend time with her earlier in the day so she wouldn't see the preparations going on at home. At the appropriate time, I was to make an excuse and leave her, later to be part of the surprise group.
"What should I tell her?" I asked her mom, who was planning it.
"Hmm." She thought for a moment. "Tell her you planned to meet a friend. After all she is your friend, and you are going to meet with her - at her surprise party. That way, you won't be lying."
This brought up some interesting issues in my mind. My words - "I have an appointment to meet with a friend" - were technically correct. But my phrasing was such that I intended for my friend to misunderstand me. I may not have been technically lying, but I was presenting only a portion of the truth. In fact, the intent was that she not learn the truth (until the proper time).
Is it always wrong to lie?
What constitutes lying?
She seemed to believe that yes, it is always wrong to lie, and that lying is stating any untruth. Many of us would argue that this can be categorized as a "white lie" or "harmless lie." Most of us wouldn't consider it a sin.
Here's a similar hypothetical scenario: I'm having lunch with a person I don't like very much. In order to end the conversation, I excuse myself: "I'm so sorry, I have to go; I'm meeting a friend for coffee." I really have no such plans, but my friend isn't the wiser. Or I could justify my lie, saying that it is probable that in the future I will have coffee with a friend. After all, my lie said "I'm meeting another friend for coffee," not "I'm meeting a friend for coffee today." It's not my fault is she misunderstands what I said, so I wasn't technically lying.
How is this scene different from the surprise party scene? Both situations required me to excuse myself from a social situation; I used the same lie in both situations, and there was a roundabout way to justify the lie in both situations
The Hiding Place
I wish I knew the exact reference, but I seem to remember Corrie ten Boom lying. She and her family harbored Jews during the Holocaust. She writes the story in her book The Hiding Place.
As I recall, she once answered a knock at the door. It was the Gestapo, and the officer asked point-blank, "Are you hiding any Jews here?"
Without any hesitation, she answered, "No," even though they were hiding Jews. The officer left. Afterward, I seem to remember she prayed for forgiveness, repenting of her lie. My first reaction is, "Are you kidding? It would have been a sin to tell the truth! 'Yes, Officer, here is a family that you can tear apart and starve. Right this way, up the stairs.'" My gut reaction is that she did the right thing, and yet she felt the need to repent afterward. Perhaps she believed, as my friend's mom did, that a lie is the statement of any untruth?
I remember a similar situation. Joshua sent some spies to scout out the city of Jericho before the Israelites captured it, and they hid in Rahab's house. The king's men came to her door and said, "Bring out the men who are here." And she lied and said, "They're not here anymore; I don't know which way they went." (verse 6) "But she had taken them up to the roof and hidden them under the stalks of flax she had laid out on the roof."
Was her lie sinful, like Corrie seemed to believe her own lie was sinful? Both lies protected the lives of others.
I'll give you a hint: If Rahab sinned when she lied, then why, when God literally crumbled Jericho to the ground, did Rahab and her family survive? Why was Rahab, both a prostitute and a foreigner, given a permanent place of honor among God's people? And later, when Hebrews 11 lists all the great heroes of the faith like Noah, Abraham, and Moses, why does Rahab get a whole verse to herself, when other warriors and prophets and leaders like Gideon, David, Samuel, and the prophets have to share a verse? So the writer of Hebrews had time to write about Rahab, who barely appears in the Old Testament, and "doesn't have time" to write about David who was only Israel's king?
My point is that her lie - and Corrie's lie - actually seemed sanctioned by God. It would appear lying is not always sinful, but how do we know where to draw the line - or can we?
Innocent Lies
Examples:
If these lies are sinful, can they be justified to make them not sinful?
If these lies are innocent, what makes them innocent?
Embellishing: "I think I've answered the phone forty thousand times today!" We say exaggerating is innocent because all parties should know the truth: that it is highly improbable the speaker actually answered the phone forty thousand times. So if all parties know the real truth, is it okay to state an untruth?
If it's never okay to state an untruth, can we justify the embellishment to say it's not really a lie? The statement, "I think I've answered the phone forty thousand times" may be literally untrue, but it is figuratively true. The speaker feels as exhausted as if she has answered the phone forty thousand times.
Accidental Lying: Slip of the tongue. You tell a friend that your cousin Jane is coming to visit, but later realize you meant to say your cousin Janie. Or you typed "Jane" instead of "Janie" in a text message. Never mind that you don't even have a cousin Jane.
Should you, concerned, call your friend the next day and repent for your unintentional lie? "I'm so sorry. Remember I told you yesterday that my cousin Jane was coming? Well, really it's my cousin Janie. I don't even have a cousin Jane. Will you forgive me lying to you?" Sounds ridiculous, right? Or even praying to God - "Lord, forgive me for saying I had a cousin named Jane."
If all untruths are sinful, then how can we exclude accidental untruths?
Politeness: You say, "We should get together again soon" when you mean "Never again." You answer "Yes" when a friend asks, "Do you like my new haircut?" and you mean "No." You say "Fine" when someone, in passing, says "How are you?" and you mean "I'm having a really hard day."
If this is sin, then what's the alternative? Should you insult the people and say "Let's never have dinner again, I hate your ugly haircut, and my life sucks!" Should you hedge? Instead of "We should never have dinner again" you say "This evening was quite an experience;" instead of "I hate your ugly haircut" you say "It certainly is different. I see you have bangs now;" instead of "my life sucks" you laugh and say "I've seen better days. How are you?"
Pretending: Almost no one practices this anymore, but I seem to remember the Puritans shunning any form of pretending - even acting out a Bible story. Acting was forbidden because it required a person to say things that were untrue, such as a child claiming to be King David. I certainly don't believe acting is sinful, but I want to point out that if you believe that it is sinful to state any untruth, then you may never, in good conscience, see "The Phantom of the Opera" on Broadway.
The point of this post was to show that lying is not a black and white issue
To be continued...
The Surprise
I once helped to plan a friend's surprise birthday party. My job was to spend time with her earlier in the day so she wouldn't see the preparations going on at home. At the appropriate time, I was to make an excuse and leave her, later to be part of the surprise group.
"What should I tell her?" I asked her mom, who was planning it.
"Hmm." She thought for a moment. "Tell her you planned to meet a friend. After all she is your friend, and you are going to meet with her - at her surprise party. That way, you won't be lying."
This brought up some interesting issues in my mind. My words - "I have an appointment to meet with a friend" - were technically correct. But my phrasing was such that I intended for my friend to misunderstand me. I may not have been technically lying, but I was presenting only a portion of the truth. In fact, the intent was that she not learn the truth (until the proper time).
- What if I had told my friend I was going to have coffee with a friend? Would that be a lie? A sin?
- If I told her I would have coffee, could I claim it isn't a lie since there would be coffee at the surprise party and I would be drinking it with friends around?
Is it always wrong to lie?
What constitutes lying?
She seemed to believe that yes, it is always wrong to lie, and that lying is stating any untruth. Many of us would argue that this can be categorized as a "white lie" or "harmless lie." Most of us wouldn't consider it a sin.
Here's a similar hypothetical scenario: I'm having lunch with a person I don't like very much. In order to end the conversation, I excuse myself: "I'm so sorry, I have to go; I'm meeting a friend for coffee." I really have no such plans, but my friend isn't the wiser. Or I could justify my lie, saying that it is probable that in the future I will have coffee with a friend. After all, my lie said "I'm meeting another friend for coffee," not "I'm meeting a friend for coffee today." It's not my fault is she misunderstands what I said, so I wasn't technically lying.
How is this scene different from the surprise party scene? Both situations required me to excuse myself from a social situation; I used the same lie in both situations, and there was a roundabout way to justify the lie in both situations
The Hiding Place
I wish I knew the exact reference, but I seem to remember Corrie ten Boom lying. She and her family harbored Jews during the Holocaust. She writes the story in her book The Hiding Place.
As I recall, she once answered a knock at the door. It was the Gestapo, and the officer asked point-blank, "Are you hiding any Jews here?"
Without any hesitation, she answered, "No," even though they were hiding Jews. The officer left. Afterward, I seem to remember she prayed for forgiveness, repenting of her lie. My first reaction is, "Are you kidding? It would have been a sin to tell the truth! 'Yes, Officer, here is a family that you can tear apart and starve. Right this way, up the stairs.'" My gut reaction is that she did the right thing, and yet she felt the need to repent afterward. Perhaps she believed, as my friend's mom did, that a lie is the statement of any untruth?
I remember a similar situation. Joshua sent some spies to scout out the city of Jericho before the Israelites captured it, and they hid in Rahab's house. The king's men came to her door and said, "Bring out the men who are here." And she lied and said, "They're not here anymore; I don't know which way they went." (verse 6) "But she had taken them up to the roof and hidden them under the stalks of flax she had laid out on the roof."
Was her lie sinful, like Corrie seemed to believe her own lie was sinful? Both lies protected the lives of others.
I'll give you a hint: If Rahab sinned when she lied, then why, when God literally crumbled Jericho to the ground, did Rahab and her family survive? Why was Rahab, both a prostitute and a foreigner, given a permanent place of honor among God's people? And later, when Hebrews 11 lists all the great heroes of the faith like Noah, Abraham, and Moses, why does Rahab get a whole verse to herself, when other warriors and prophets and leaders like Gideon, David, Samuel, and the prophets have to share a verse? So the writer of Hebrews had time to write about Rahab, who barely appears in the Old Testament, and "doesn't have time" to write about David who was only Israel's king?
My point is that her lie - and Corrie's lie - actually seemed sanctioned by God. It would appear lying is not always sinful, but how do we know where to draw the line - or can we?
Innocent Lies
Examples:
- Embellishing. "I think I've answered the phone forty thousand times today!"
- Accidental untruths: You mention "my truck" offhandedly in a conversation, but later realize it would have been more accurate to say "my parents' truck."
- Politeness. You answer "fine" in response to "How are you" when you're not fine.
- Pretending (more on this later)
- Or, you say "yes" when a woman asks, "Do I look good in this dress" and she doesn't.
- Or, you say "Yes" when asked if you want to go to Olive Garden, and you really don't.
If these lies are sinful, can they be justified to make them not sinful?
If these lies are innocent, what makes them innocent?
Embellishing: "I think I've answered the phone forty thousand times today!" We say exaggerating is innocent because all parties should know the truth: that it is highly improbable the speaker actually answered the phone forty thousand times. So if all parties know the real truth, is it okay to state an untruth?
If it's never okay to state an untruth, can we justify the embellishment to say it's not really a lie? The statement, "I think I've answered the phone forty thousand times" may be literally untrue, but it is figuratively true. The speaker feels as exhausted as if she has answered the phone forty thousand times.
Accidental Lying: Slip of the tongue. You tell a friend that your cousin Jane is coming to visit, but later realize you meant to say your cousin Janie. Or you typed "Jane" instead of "Janie" in a text message. Never mind that you don't even have a cousin Jane.
Should you, concerned, call your friend the next day and repent for your unintentional lie? "I'm so sorry. Remember I told you yesterday that my cousin Jane was coming? Well, really it's my cousin Janie. I don't even have a cousin Jane. Will you forgive me lying to you?" Sounds ridiculous, right? Or even praying to God - "Lord, forgive me for saying I had a cousin named Jane."
If all untruths are sinful, then how can we exclude accidental untruths?
Politeness: You say, "We should get together again soon" when you mean "Never again." You answer "Yes" when a friend asks, "Do you like my new haircut?" and you mean "No." You say "Fine" when someone, in passing, says "How are you?" and you mean "I'm having a really hard day."
If this is sin, then what's the alternative? Should you insult the people and say "Let's never have dinner again, I hate your ugly haircut, and my life sucks!" Should you hedge? Instead of "We should never have dinner again" you say "This evening was quite an experience;" instead of "I hate your ugly haircut" you say "It certainly is different. I see you have bangs now;" instead of "my life sucks" you laugh and say "I've seen better days. How are you?"
Pretending: Almost no one practices this anymore, but I seem to remember the Puritans shunning any form of pretending - even acting out a Bible story. Acting was forbidden because it required a person to say things that were untrue, such as a child claiming to be King David. I certainly don't believe acting is sinful, but I want to point out that if you believe that it is sinful to state any untruth, then you may never, in good conscience, see "The Phantom of the Opera" on Broadway.
The point of this post was to show that lying is not a black and white issue
To be continued...
I don't mean to make this a Godless answer and I apologize if it sounds so... But of the 10, the commandment that we tie to lying, I know the English translation as "Thou shalt not bear false witness". I would be willing to bet that originally that meant literally.. false witness. That in a court of law, or before someone with authority, you were not to tell a falsehood that might hurt your neighbor or benefit yourself at your neighbor's expense. I think over the past few thousand years we have expanded on that greatly to the point where we now worry about even the social lie.
ReplyDeleteIn Catholicism, we have this thing called 'scruples'. Scruples is a challenge to the pious person, an inpefection in their judgement, some even classify it as a kind of sin. Scruples was the big spiritual challenge that Theresa of Lisieux, 'the little flower' had to overcome. It means to imagine one that sins when one has not, or to magnify the importance of every sin one commits, to feel excessively guilty. One might think that scruples would help one to perfect oneself, but the problem is that it can become an obstacle between oneself and God, a spiritual distraction that takes one's focus off of God and places it on oneself and one's imagined or overemphasized guilt. This is not to say one should not realize the greviousness of a truly major or mortal sin. One would not sweep a murder under the rug. But one can become overly concerned with the minor or venial sin - or non-sin.. the fib, the exaggeration, the polite social nicety.
Mary, you read my mind! I have "part 2" outlined and made EXACTLY the same point you did about the ninth commandment!!!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love your point about how scruples become an obstacle between us and God. The problem with scruples is inherent in your line, "One might think that scruples would help one to perfect oneself" - isn't that always the problem, when we try to perfect ourselves instead of realizing we can't, and letting Jesus' perfection cover us instead?
I'm excited for you to read my "part 2" that I have outlined! Maybe I'll get to it today!
I'll be watching for part 2 :)
ReplyDeleteThe punch in Corrie's story is that her sister later tells the truth — "They're under the table!" — and the Nazis think she's crazy. So, Corrie must have wondered what would have happened if she had told the truth. (I recall an incident where she lied about having an illegal radio, too.)
ReplyDeleteThe real question is: do the ends justify the means? Is a lie good because it achieves a good end? You ask about a lot of different situations, but I think lying is inherently connected to deception, an intent to deceive. There are many ways to deceive someone without actually speaking untruth. Would Jesus ever lie? He told stories to teach his disciples, but I don't think he deceived them, though it would have been easy for them to believe: they found the truth very difficult to swallow.
I personally feel convicted whenever I deceive someone, and it destroys my trust in other people when I find out they've been lying, even about "trivial" things. If Jesus is the Truth, and there is no deception in Him, how can we hope to stand in His presence with lies on our tongues?
Isaiah says: "Woe is me, for I am ruined! Because I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts." Then one of the seraphim flew to me with a burning coal in his hand, which he had taken from the altar with tongs. He touched my mouth with it and said, "Behold, this has touched your lips; and your iniquity is taken away and your sin is forgiven."
I understand you have concerns about offending people with the truth, but I don't think the answer is to lie. Being honest doesn't mean saying everything you think; there is a place for graciousness. Be led by the Holy Spirit. Look at how Jesus spoke to the woman he met at the well in John 4: he didn't start out by telling her that her life was a mess. In fact, he started by asking her for a drink, something she could give! (As you mention elsewhere, we can't offer God perfection on account of we don't have any to give.) How do you think she felt when she realized he knew her deepest secrets and had known from before he started talking to her? (I am just imagining this now as I write this.)
You may have read Mere Christianity at some point. (You mention the first chapter of it somewhere else.) I particularly like Lewis's thought in it that perhaps God cares less about the good things we do than that we are the kind of beings who choose to do them. Whenever I start looking for technicalities and trying to justify why what I just did wasn't really a sin, I eventually realize I am in trouble already.
... anyway, that's my two cents and some. I hope it helps. I'm enjoying reading through your archives. :)