Super depressed for the last few days. Made myself go to church even though I hadn't showered or brushed my teeth in a couple days. I didn't smile at or talk to anyone. All I got done yesterday was a long nap, plus I unloaded the dishwasher in stages. The house is a MESS. I have turned into an introvert who doesn't like people.
Seeing a new psych today, hopefully she'll change my medication. I'm tired of Prozac. I was a size 0 when I went on it, now I'm tight in size 6 pants and I'm always worried someone will ask me if I'm pregnant. Who knows if my old metabolism will come back though. And I don't mind gaining weight if I can have clarity of mind.
But clearly this isn't working. It works for a few days and then I'm anxious or depressed for a few days and then I bounce back. When I'm depressed I feel like I'll never not be depressed. I start planning how my life will look with depression. And when I'm depression-free? Then I think I never was depressed, that I just needed to try harder to be happy.
Everything is slow. My thinking, breathing, talking. I couldn't keep up with singing the songs at church yesterday. I couldn't keep up with Joe walking.
And I don't feel like talking to you or even typing this blog. I don't think I can muster up an exclamation point or a smiley face. I don't even care that this is bringing everybody down. Just being real, depression sucks - for me and for everyone around me.
Seeing a new psych today, hopefully she'll change my medication. I'm tired of Prozac. I was a size 0 when I went on it, now I'm tight in size 6 pants and I'm always worried someone will ask me if I'm pregnant. Who knows if my old metabolism will come back though. And I don't mind gaining weight if I can have clarity of mind.
But clearly this isn't working. It works for a few days and then I'm anxious or depressed for a few days and then I bounce back. When I'm depressed I feel like I'll never not be depressed. I start planning how my life will look with depression. And when I'm depression-free? Then I think I never was depressed, that I just needed to try harder to be happy.
Everything is slow. My thinking, breathing, talking. I couldn't keep up with singing the songs at church yesterday. I couldn't keep up with Joe walking.
And I don't feel like talking to you or even typing this blog. I don't think I can muster up an exclamation point or a smiley face. I don't even care that this is bringing everybody down. Just being real, depression sucks - for me and for everyone around me.
Hey its ok to be honest. I'm glad though that you are aware of your depression and you can see how it is affecting yourself. I wish I could come over and clean your house, its always fun for me. I'll be praying you get some better medication. Love you Amber!
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