Lazy Dayz

Confession: Today I watched three episodes of Grey's Anatomy, one of "Bachelor Pad," ate canned ravioli for dinner, played computer games for at least a few hours, and dinked around on the piano.

What is my problem? No, no excuses. I don't "need a break." I'm not "stressed out." I've had no anxiety today.

I do not understand what I do.

I don't do what I want to do, which is to seek out ways to serve others, and especially to serve my husband; to keep the house tidy and decorated and ready for visitors, to do chores and run errands and be a great person.

Instead I do what I hate to do, which is to watch crappy TV shows and allow the computer to swallow my time while I survive on junk food like a starving college student. I don't think it's wrong to watch crappy TV shows and eat junk food. I do think it's wrong to let these things suck up my whole day.

That bit was basically a paraphrase of Romans 7:15. Paul wrestles with the perplexing notion that saved sinners still sin, even though they don't want to.

"Nothing good lives in me," he says. "I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out." Oh Paul, thank you. I know what you mean. This isn't the "cannot" because you don't have time or resources. This is the "cannot" because your sinful nature is actually attacking your mind and your body and your will.

The thing about saying "I cannot" is that it provides you with a great excuse to get out of anything - see? "The Bible told me that even though I want to do good, I can't. Sorry, can't help you." Kind of a pointless life, right? I beg with Paul as he cries, "What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?"

Then Paul answers his question by throwing a gigantic DUH into the chapter:

Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!

Because even if I am incapable of doing something, he is capable. I don't understand how the spiritual capability translates to the physical capability yet. But I see that Jesus made me a promise: I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Somehow, simply acknowledging that my laziness is a product of the sinful nature, makes me feel better. It doesn't release me from responsibility, but it allows me the freedom not to sin anymore. I've said before I don't understand this; shouldn't I have been free not to sin before confessing it?

I still don't understand it, but I can testify that it's true: I'm motivated now after reading these verses, energized - and not because I feel guilty and I need to "make up" for what I've done.

I confessed. God forgave. And suddenly I have a few more hours to make this home spic and span for my husband.

God wants to kick my sinful nature's ass. I am just giving him permission to.