When God Doesn't Use Gifts

 [Insert the whole "I struggled with whether to post this" paragraph here! 😆 Photos from Unsplash]

What wonderful predictions adults gave me as a child, teen, and young adult! 

I would be successful. I could do whatever I wanted. How well I loved the children I cared for, and what a wonderful mother I would be! How blessed were those around me by my friendship and my generosity. The way I wrote, expressed myself, my academic smarts - and it was always emphasized that I was loved not for my traits, but just for me.

The encouragement of my awesomeness fueled such dreams in me! 

Even as my path shifted - I didn't marry a man in ministry as I thought I would (it's okay - after ten years I can honestly say I wouldn't want to have married anyone else! 😉) and I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis three years into marriage, I bulldozed my dreams forward.

Here's what I'm learning about spiritual gifts.

I believed that God would not give me spiritual gifts - meaning abilities God gives a person to advance his mission on earth - without giving me avenues to use them.

It is true. Spiritual gifts are given to advance his kingdom on earth. 

But I have learned something: he has the right to give, and take away, and give, and take away.

I can enjoy caring for children through ministry, nannying, and fostering in lieu of having my own, and then I can become too weak to care for children at all.

I can play piano. And then I can get a terrible tremor so I can't play at all. I can write, and then I'll have pain in my arms and hands that lasts for months. I can drive people to appointments, and then I'll have long-term eye pain, and suddenly other people have to drive me.

When people ask me how I deal with this, sometimes I can honestly say I'm so thankful to God for the experiences he's allowed. And often I grieve and cry, and envy the people who get to do the things they're good at without worrying they'll have to bow out of commitments because they're not able to walk that day.

I have learned a lot more too.. that I was relying on my abilities for self-worth and human praise; that they were becoming idols; that I had become proud and judgmental and insufferable. I don't know why God takes away, but I know that I can misuse gifts. But that's not exactly on topic 😉 So let's move on!

Here's what I'm learning about dreams.

I believed that God would not give me dreams  - meaning deep desires of my heart - without fulfilling them. 

Godly people reminded me of this, especially with verses like Psalm 37:4 - "Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart."

I no longer believe the typical interpretation of this verse is correct (read the whole chapter - it's full of promises that say things like "in a little while" and "a future awaits those who seek peace").

I'm not disillusioned. I know I'm only 33. God thwarts plans and surpasses expectations. He breaks rules of nature - he's the one who set them up in the first place, after all!

If I live a long life - let's say, 92 years - that lifetime is the length of a hyphen in War and Peace compared with eternal life. No, shorter; but since we cannot comprehend eternity, that's the best I can come up with.

My point is that it seems ridiculous, not to be too blunt about it, to insist a biblical promise must apply to THIS earthly life, unless that's what it says.

Couldn't God give me deep desires of my heart now to prepare me for my role in the "new heaven and new earth"? When I think about it, none of our desires are meant to be completely fulfilled on earth! 

He is not even obligated to give me a taste of my earthly longings. I am free to grieve; I am free to pray and wish and beg. I am even free to doubt!

"If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world" (C.S. Lewis, atheist turned theist turned Christian. Mere Christianity).