I just re-read my series on "rest" that I wrote a while back. When I wrote it, I wasn't working, and now I am. I still believe all my ramblings about "rest," but I think working a full time job has given me a new perspective about how day-job work fits in.
I started praying in my car most mornings before work. And I found that I mentally stepped back from the workplace, participating but also observing. I observed this:
-I will always take an opportunity to make myself look good.
-I am rather bossy, even though I mean well.
-Everyone is Topper: "I got up at six this morning." "Well I got up at four!" "I have this crazy report to do, it's really overwhelming me." "I hear you! I have three crazier reports to do!"
-People feel the need to convince other people that they are busy.
When someone says, "I have so much to do," I feel like I have to tell them about my workload. I feel like I have to prove that I'm as busy as they are. Or busier. And when I do that, they respond with evidence that they are, in fact, busier than me. And that irks me so I add on things that make me sound important and much busier than them.
I wondered where my attitude came from. After all, everyone knows I'm busy, even if I don't tell them - I serve seven executives representing seven departments, for heaven's sake. I'm cross trained in a ton of things, and to some people I'm the "excel whiz."
And even if someone thinks I'm not keeping busy...well, who cares? My boss is the one that matters.
But the thing that struck me most is, when someone says "I am so busy," they are not looking for a challenge. They're either:
I've made such an effort to keep perspective on work; and I feel like I'm the only one in my workplace who does, even though I work with many Christians. I see them so overwhelmed and working themselves to the point of sickness. I see them taking responsibilities they don't need to. I see them being short with people because of the amount of work they've accepted.
I think right now my way of being Jesus to others is to not get stressed out by work. That means not bragging or complaining about how busy I am, which means I need to keep a good perspective, because I can't just pretend I don't feel overwhelmed sometimes.
It does wear on me, to be around people who are always buried in work. I don't mean that they have a lot to do; I mean that they allow work to infiltrate their being. I want to be known for being cheerful, kind, willing, honest, real. I want others to see me as an available person who can talk about normal things in life, and things that are more lasting than work, like Jesus and marriage and relationships.
These are things I want, not necessarily things that I am actively striving for. I wish I was striving for them. It just takes a lot of energy. So I'm focusing on what I'm focusing on right now, and will come back and read this some day and deal with the rest later.
I started praying in my car most mornings before work. And I found that I mentally stepped back from the workplace, participating but also observing. I observed this:
-I will always take an opportunity to make myself look good.
-I am rather bossy, even though I mean well.
-Everyone is Topper: "I got up at six this morning." "Well I got up at four!" "I have this crazy report to do, it's really overwhelming me." "I hear you! I have three crazier reports to do!"
-People feel the need to convince other people that they are busy.
When someone says, "I have so much to do," I feel like I have to tell them about my workload. I feel like I have to prove that I'm as busy as they are. Or busier. And when I do that, they respond with evidence that they are, in fact, busier than me. And that irks me so I add on things that make me sound important and much busier than them.
I wondered where my attitude came from. After all, everyone knows I'm busy, even if I don't tell them - I serve seven executives representing seven departments, for heaven's sake. I'm cross trained in a ton of things, and to some people I'm the "excel whiz."
And even if someone thinks I'm not keeping busy...well, who cares? My boss is the one that matters.
But the thing that struck me most is, when someone says "I am so busy," they are not looking for a challenge. They're either:
- Bragging to make themselves look better (hello pot, this is kettle), in which case challenging their statement will only make them fight harder to keep up appearances. If I just offer sympathy and understanding, they feel validated.
- Asking for help without asking for help
- Just looking for a friend with some encouragement, or even just an agreed "That sucks."
I've made such an effort to keep perspective on work; and I feel like I'm the only one in my workplace who does, even though I work with many Christians. I see them so overwhelmed and working themselves to the point of sickness. I see them taking responsibilities they don't need to. I see them being short with people because of the amount of work they've accepted.
I think right now my way of being Jesus to others is to not get stressed out by work. That means not bragging or complaining about how busy I am, which means I need to keep a good perspective, because I can't just pretend I don't feel overwhelmed sometimes.
It does wear on me, to be around people who are always buried in work. I don't mean that they have a lot to do; I mean that they allow work to infiltrate their being. I want to be known for being cheerful, kind, willing, honest, real. I want others to see me as an available person who can talk about normal things in life, and things that are more lasting than work, like Jesus and marriage and relationships.
These are things I want, not necessarily things that I am actively striving for. I wish I was striving for them. It just takes a lot of energy. So I'm focusing on what I'm focusing on right now, and will come back and read this some day and deal with the rest later.
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