Jump to Part 1.
A long time ago, my mom pointed something out to me. "The Bible doesn't tell us not to lie," she said. I was horrified until she explained. "It says, 'You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.' (Exodus 20:16). So basically, it's saying, 'Don't say anything that will hurt your neighbor.'" In other words, "Don't not love your neighbor." If this interpretation sounds farfetched, let's look for confirmation from Jesus himself.
An expert in the law (so, a person who had basically memorized all the little do's and don'ts of the Old Testament) asked Jesus, "What is the greatest commandment in the Law?" and Jesus gave him two: "Love God and love your neighbor." (Matthew 22:35-39). Later, Paul even claims that "the entire law is summed up in a single command: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" (Galatians 5:14).
This tells me something: The statement of an untruth is not necessarily sinful. What is sinful is to do anything that harms your neighbor - and who is your neighbor? Another expert in the law asked Jesus this, and he told him the parable of the Good Samaritan. Here's what's funny:
The expert in the law said, "Who is my neighbor?"
Jesus said, "Well, who was a neighbor to the hurting man?"
The expert said, "The one who helped him."
Jesus said, "Go and do likewise."
Did Jesus really answer his question? The man wanted to know, "Who is this neighbor you're commanding me to love?" And Jesus told him, "Be the loving neighbor."
So from this research (and especially the point about Rahab in Part 1), I have concluded that it is incorrect to claim that all untruths are sinful.
However, any dishonesty that has the potential to harm a relationship is sinful. And once I started looking for relationship-damaging potential in "little" lies, I was surprised. When I concluded that not all untruths are sinful, I thought that would free up my tongue so I wouldn't have to worry so much. But you know a paraphrased version of what Peter Parker's grandpa said: "With great freedom comes great responsibility."
See, if I believe that the statement of any untruth is a sin, life is relatively simple, if a bit awkward. I just have to avoid exaggeration, not see any plays, and just watch my words.
But if I believe that any words that have relationship-damaging potential are sinful, life becomes so complicated. An innocent untruth spoken to one person might be sinful in a different context.
I hinted at this in Part 1. In the first scenario, I lied to a friend, excusing myself so she could later be surprised at her surprise party. In the second scenario, I used the same lie to excuse myself from a conversation, simply because I wasn't enjoying the conversation. In the first scenario, the lie helped me to love my neighbor; in the second, it didn't - in fact, I'd argue that the second lie had relationship-damaging potential.
"Innocent" Deception - A Journey into Porn
This is why I think that. Here's a fictitious story about how a relationship became broken, and it started with an innocent deception.
A man admires an actress in a movie (innocent). He buys some posters of this actressto hang up around his home office (innocent). Then he decides to hide the posters because of what his girlfriend would think (seems like an innocent deception). The posters become food for private fantasies in his closet (seems like an innocent delusion). Soon he seeks more material, and searches online. His stimulation-craving mind sees other delectable things - things that normally wouldn't tempt him, except he has trained himself to crave them (some people would say this is still innocent because it isn't hurting anyone.) By the time he gets married, his wife's body isn't enough to satisfy his carnal desires (NOT okay, because marriage is designed to be holy, exclusive). He hides his addiction from his wife, still insisting it's not wrong - but his marriage is suffering. She feels he isn't completely open with her; he accuses her of not trusting him. Maybe she never finds out about his addiction, but their marriage will be damaged (or ended) because of it.
The Pharisee looks at this story and says, "The man should never have watched 'Breakfast at Tiffany's.' That's what started him on this path. In fact, no men should ever see any aspect of women's sexuality, lest they be tempted into a situation like this."
The Christian looks at this story and says, "The sin started before it became an addiction: it started when he hid the posters." The habit of hiding became a lifestyle for him.
His wife never asked him point-blank, "Do you view porn?" So technically, maybe he never stated an untruth. That's why I say the deception is the sin, not the untruth.
The Serpent
Have you ever read Genesis 3 carefully? It's the story of the fall of Adam and Eve. Take a look at how Satan deceived Adam and Eve:
Other Examples
Here are some of the "innocent" lies I mentioned in Part 1. I want to show how they can be harmful. (Note: I am not saying they ARE harmful; I am saying that, when used with wrong motives, they CAN be harmful. Meaning, we are free to say them, but we have responsibility to use them wisely.)
It's all about love.
I have one more post on this subject, but it will have a different title since it's not strictly on lying. Watch for "Too Honest." It might be a two part series, since I keep realizing I have too much to say for one post. =) Thanks for reading.
A long time ago, my mom pointed something out to me. "The Bible doesn't tell us not to lie," she said. I was horrified until she explained. "It says, 'You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.' (Exodus 20:16). So basically, it's saying, 'Don't say anything that will hurt your neighbor.'" In other words, "Don't not love your neighbor." If this interpretation sounds farfetched, let's look for confirmation from Jesus himself.
An expert in the law (so, a person who had basically memorized all the little do's and don'ts of the Old Testament) asked Jesus, "What is the greatest commandment in the Law?" and Jesus gave him two: "Love God and love your neighbor." (Matthew 22:35-39). Later, Paul even claims that "the entire law is summed up in a single command: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" (Galatians 5:14).
This tells me something: The statement of an untruth is not necessarily sinful. What is sinful is to do anything that harms your neighbor - and who is your neighbor? Another expert in the law asked Jesus this, and he told him the parable of the Good Samaritan. Here's what's funny:
The expert in the law said, "Who is my neighbor?"
Jesus said, "Well, who was a neighbor to the hurting man?"
The expert said, "The one who helped him."
Jesus said, "Go and do likewise."
Did Jesus really answer his question? The man wanted to know, "Who is this neighbor you're commanding me to love?" And Jesus told him, "Be the loving neighbor."
So from this research (and especially the point about Rahab in Part 1), I have concluded that it is incorrect to claim that all untruths are sinful.
However, any dishonesty that has the potential to harm a relationship is sinful. And once I started looking for relationship-damaging potential in "little" lies, I was surprised. When I concluded that not all untruths are sinful, I thought that would free up my tongue so I wouldn't have to worry so much. But you know a paraphrased version of what Peter Parker's grandpa said: "With great freedom comes great responsibility."
See, if I believe that the statement of any untruth is a sin, life is relatively simple, if a bit awkward. I just have to avoid exaggeration, not see any plays, and just watch my words.
But if I believe that any words that have relationship-damaging potential are sinful, life becomes so complicated. An innocent untruth spoken to one person might be sinful in a different context.
I hinted at this in Part 1. In the first scenario, I lied to a friend, excusing myself so she could later be surprised at her surprise party. In the second scenario, I used the same lie to excuse myself from a conversation, simply because I wasn't enjoying the conversation. In the first scenario, the lie helped me to love my neighbor; in the second, it didn't - in fact, I'd argue that the second lie had relationship-damaging potential.
"Innocent" Deception - A Journey into Porn
This is why I think that. Here's a fictitious story about how a relationship became broken, and it started with an innocent deception.
A man admires an actress in a movie (innocent). He buys some posters of this actressto hang up around his home office (innocent). Then he decides to hide the posters because of what his girlfriend would think (seems like an innocent deception). The posters become food for private fantasies in his closet (seems like an innocent delusion). Soon he seeks more material, and searches online. His stimulation-craving mind sees other delectable things - things that normally wouldn't tempt him, except he has trained himself to crave them (some people would say this is still innocent because it isn't hurting anyone.) By the time he gets married, his wife's body isn't enough to satisfy his carnal desires (NOT okay, because marriage is designed to be holy, exclusive). He hides his addiction from his wife, still insisting it's not wrong - but his marriage is suffering. She feels he isn't completely open with her; he accuses her of not trusting him. Maybe she never finds out about his addiction, but their marriage will be damaged (or ended) because of it.
The Pharisee looks at this story and says, "The man should never have watched 'Breakfast at Tiffany's.' That's what started him on this path. In fact, no men should ever see any aspect of women's sexuality, lest they be tempted into a situation like this."
The Christian looks at this story and says, "The sin started before it became an addiction: it started when he hid the posters." The habit of hiding became a lifestyle for him.
His wife never asked him point-blank, "Do you view porn?" So technically, maybe he never stated an untruth. That's why I say the deception is the sin, not the untruth.
The Serpent
Have you ever read Genesis 3 carefully? It's the story of the fall of Adam and Eve. Take a look at how Satan deceived Adam and Eve:
- He asked Eve, "“Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” (This seems like an innocent question.)
- “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”
- Adam and Eve probably thought touching the tree would make them die instantly, but Satan knew it would simply make them mortal. That's why he was right when he told them, "You will not certainly die," as in, "You will not instantly fall dead to the ground."
- When Satan said, "God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened," he was telling the truth. See verse 7: "Then the eyes of both of them were opened."
- When Satan said, "You will be like God, knowing good and evil," he was telling a partial truth. He intended for Adam and Eve to interpret this as, "You will be as powerful as God." But Satan knew that if they ate the fruit, they would only be "like God" in the sense that they would be aware of the difference between good and evil.
Other Examples
Here are some of the "innocent" lies I mentioned in Part 1. I want to show how they can be harmful. (Note: I am not saying they ARE harmful; I am saying that, when used with wrong motives, they CAN be harmful. Meaning, we are free to say them, but we have responsibility to use them wisely.)
- Embellishing. "I think I've answered the phone forty thousand times today!" Suppose I say this to a woman who is mentally underdeveloped. She doesn't understand exaggeration; she thinks I am serious, and thinks I am some kind of phone-answering god. I've sinned by giving her a false impression of me, if I allow her to believe that.
- Accidental untruth: I accidentally mention "my truck" in a conversation when I mean "my parents' truck." Did I have a subconscious motive - to make myself appear richer to my friend than I am? If so, this deception is clearly a heart issue. The innocent "slip of the tongue" revealed something nasty in my heart.
- You ask me how I'm doing. I say "Fine" and I'm not fine. This could be innocent; I mean, if I don't know you very well, and you're only passing by, your "How are you?" is a question meant to elicit information about life events, like "I'm doing fine, we moved recently, etc." If you are a close friend, your question might mean, "How is your emotional state with the death of your best friend?" The answer "Fine" can be damaging if you say it often enough, because then you can never be honest with people. It can estrange them from you
- My husband says, "Do you want to go out for dinner, or do you want to stay in?" I would love a break from cooking, but know that he would prefer to save money and stay in, so I say, "Let's stay in." Seems innocent, right? I'm a good wife, right? Predicting my husband's unspoken preferences and meeting them with no argument? Sure, until I become resentful that he doesn't notice my "sacrifices" for him, and never wants to "sacrifice" for me by insisting on taking me out to dinner.
It's all about love.
I have one more post on this subject, but it will have a different title since it's not strictly on lying. Watch for "Too Honest." It might be a two part series, since I keep realizing I have too much to say for one post. =) Thanks for reading.
Nice post. I am going to watch for "Too Honest" as I have always thought, personally, that unvarnished honesty can be the nastist weapon in someone's social arsenal.
ReplyDeleteThanks Mary! Can I quote you on the "unvarnished honesty" thing when I write my new post? Giving you full credit of course. =)
ReplyDeleteI really like your take on lying, and I agree. Lying isn't the sin so much as deception. I think in situations that call for innocent lying, it's important to evaluate why you are lying, what harm it may cause, what your intentions really are, and how valuable/close your relationship to the person you are lying to is. For example, if an acquaintance was to ask how they look in a considerably revealing and inappropriate dress, I would say something like "Well, that's interesting" or "It's very figure-flattering" because it's not my place as a mere acquaintance to say they appear inappropriate and should maybe present themselves in a more respectable manner. However, if a good friend were to ask the same question, I would answer honestly and say they should choose something more appropriate. Sometimes people need to be told the truth for their own good, and sometimes they need to be told what they want to hear. It all depends on what effects lying may have on the person. I really enjoy reading your blog!
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