"Son, that behavior is unacceptable. Go to your room."
"No, I won't go!" The disobedient child stomps his foot angrily on the floor, even while slowly backing up the stairs to his bedroom.
"If you don't go to your room now, you won't get to play any video games the rest of today."
The child immediately runs frantically up the stairs, pausing just a moment to yell, "I'm going because I want to, not because you told me to!"
Clearly he doesn't want to, but he is trying to convince both himself and his parent that he is going upstairs by his own choice. I've realized lately this is the attitude I have with God. I do things because I have to, but I try to convince myself I actually want to. I think this is a good effort; I mean, seriously, you can only force yourself for so long. If your will isn't involved you will get burned out. If you do things because you feel burdened to do them, you will get burned out.
So how do I make myself want to do the things I have to do? I get frustrated when people say, "Just do it instead of talking about it." This attitude says my excuse is a lack of time, not willpower. This attitude also doesn't help long term; as I said earlier, you can only force yourself for so long.
I brought up this question with a dear friend this week. Janae was maid of honor in my wedding, if that says anything - she's one of my all-time best friends. Our personalities and lifestyles couldn't be more different: She is vegetarian, I'm a carnivore. She loves all natural products and organic stuff; I like to save money. She works full time; I stay at home full time. She is single, I am married. Her schedule is always full of her work, and her side job, and the friends she's hanging out with and the parties she's hosting and the marathons she's running. My schedule is pretty much always free.
But the neat thing about Janae is that we find kindred humanity despite our differences. You wouldn't think, with her busy schedule, that Janae struggles with laziness (and "laziness" might not be the best way to describe it) (this conversation shared with permission from Janae). But she, like me, sometimes wonders, "How do I want the things I have to do?" I avoid my "shoulds" by mentally checking out with the computer or TV. She avoids her "shoulds" by filling her schedule so she has no time.
It has nothing to do with what our "shoulds" are. The point is, we know what they are, and we don't do them, and we can't figure out how to find the desire to do them. She and I both have a sense that "should" is not enough motivation to accomplish things, long term. There must be an element of will, but we don't know how to find that.
Janae shared some wisdom with me. Someone had told her that was the choice - "should" or "want." So I tried it today.
I thought, "What things do I have to do? Sigh...I really should finish putting away those dishes." And then the Holy Spirit in the form of Janae's perky voice corrected me: "What do I want to do right now? I want to put away those dishes." Strangely, I did want to. It's hard to explain. I guess it's like the disobedient child. Normally he finds hours of enjoyment playing in his room, but as soon as it becomes a punishment, he doesn't want to go. He tries to convince himself he wants to, but he doesn't. I think that's the rainbow I've been looking for too: knowing I have to accomplish certain things, and not wanting to, but trying to convince both me and God that I want to.
This is a poor example because God is not punishing me with work. But my point is that the naughty kid usually sees playing in his room as a treat, and suddenly it's a punishment. If he would just change his perspective - if he really could believe that he wants to go to his room - then he would have a much more pleasant afternoon.
I think God wants our obedience because we want to obey him, not because we have to, just like we love the kid that cheerfully says "Okay" when Mom asks him to stop jumping on the couch. We also love the kid that says "Hmph" and sulks, but that kid is going to have a hard time with life and he isn't as much fun to be around.
I think I've been doing my life all wrong.
"No, I won't go!" The disobedient child stomps his foot angrily on the floor, even while slowly backing up the stairs to his bedroom.
"If you don't go to your room now, you won't get to play any video games the rest of today."
The child immediately runs frantically up the stairs, pausing just a moment to yell, "I'm going because I want to, not because you told me to!"
Clearly he doesn't want to, but he is trying to convince both himself and his parent that he is going upstairs by his own choice. I've realized lately this is the attitude I have with God. I do things because I have to, but I try to convince myself I actually want to. I think this is a good effort; I mean, seriously, you can only force yourself for so long. If your will isn't involved you will get burned out. If you do things because you feel burdened to do them, you will get burned out.
So how do I make myself want to do the things I have to do? I get frustrated when people say, "Just do it instead of talking about it." This attitude says my excuse is a lack of time, not willpower. This attitude also doesn't help long term; as I said earlier, you can only force yourself for so long.
I brought up this question with a dear friend this week. Janae was maid of honor in my wedding, if that says anything - she's one of my all-time best friends. Our personalities and lifestyles couldn't be more different: She is vegetarian, I'm a carnivore. She loves all natural products and organic stuff; I like to save money. She works full time; I stay at home full time. She is single, I am married. Her schedule is always full of her work, and her side job, and the friends she's hanging out with and the parties she's hosting and the marathons she's running. My schedule is pretty much always free.
But the neat thing about Janae is that we find kindred humanity despite our differences. You wouldn't think, with her busy schedule, that Janae struggles with laziness (and "laziness" might not be the best way to describe it) (this conversation shared with permission from Janae). But she, like me, sometimes wonders, "How do I want the things I have to do?" I avoid my "shoulds" by mentally checking out with the computer or TV. She avoids her "shoulds" by filling her schedule so she has no time.
It has nothing to do with what our "shoulds" are. The point is, we know what they are, and we don't do them, and we can't figure out how to find the desire to do them. She and I both have a sense that "should" is not enough motivation to accomplish things, long term. There must be an element of will, but we don't know how to find that.
Janae shared some wisdom with me. Someone had told her that was the choice - "should" or "want." So I tried it today.
I thought, "What things do I have to do? Sigh...I really should finish putting away those dishes." And then the Holy Spirit in the form of Janae's perky voice corrected me: "What do I want to do right now? I want to put away those dishes." Strangely, I did want to. It's hard to explain. I guess it's like the disobedient child. Normally he finds hours of enjoyment playing in his room, but as soon as it becomes a punishment, he doesn't want to go. He tries to convince himself he wants to, but he doesn't. I think that's the rainbow I've been looking for too: knowing I have to accomplish certain things, and not wanting to, but trying to convince both me and God that I want to.
This is a poor example because God is not punishing me with work. But my point is that the naughty kid usually sees playing in his room as a treat, and suddenly it's a punishment. If he would just change his perspective - if he really could believe that he wants to go to his room - then he would have a much more pleasant afternoon.
I think God wants our obedience because we want to obey him, not because we have to, just like we love the kid that cheerfully says "Okay" when Mom asks him to stop jumping on the couch. We also love the kid that says "Hmph" and sulks, but that kid is going to have a hard time with life and he isn't as much fun to be around.
I think I've been doing my life all wrong.
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