At Bible Study last night, Beth Moore's study asked us, "What stops you from delegating responsibilities?" The context is 2 Samuel 8:16-18, in which David delegates responsibilities to various different people.
The women had so many ideas and scenarios that I could barely keep up scribbling all the great ideas. Here's what the margin of my book looks like:
All these scribbled notes convicted me, and I want to put them in order before I forget what they mean.
First I want to clarify: what does it mean to delegate? Google dictionary says it means to "entrust (a task or responsibility) to another person, typically one who is less senior than oneself."
I have a broader, Amberfied meaning that can also apply to non-work situations: "To allow someone to do something that is normally your own responsibility." And just to show you how broad this is, let me give you some examples from my own life. Forgive me, because this will be a long post and I want to keep it organized, so I'll title the sections.
Things to Delegate
Students are responsible for writing their own papers, but it is a perfectly acceptable shift of responsibility to accept feedback from another pair of eyes before submitting the assignment. I am responsible for working my scheduled shift, but I have the option of passing on this responsibility to a coworker if I need or want to. Parents care for their children, but when I babysit, I am temporarily taking that responsibility from them. Joe and I don't know much about plumbing, so we paid a plumber to repipe our bathroom. This was shifting responsibility too, since we are responsible for our house, and we entrusted part of our house to someone else.
We Have Variable Criteria
We have ideas about what are - or are not - acceptable reasons to delegate. I may have no problem cooking a great dinner for someone who is ill, but I won't have time or energy to cook dinner for my own husband so we'll go out. In this situation, I am accepting someone else's responsibility and passing my own at the same time.
My husband and I aren't experts on plumbing or wiring, so that seems like an acceptable reason to delegate responsibility to a professional. But we might think it unacceptable to pay someone to paint the interior of the house, when we could do it ourselves.
I don't have trouble asking someone to help me clean if I am sick with the flu. But if I'm behind on cleaning because of depression, I struggle to pass the responsibility to someone else. Why? Depression sometimes makes me about as capable as if I had the flu, so I shouldn't feel guilty, right? So we have ideas about when it is okay to delegate and when it is not. And some of these ideas are probably valid and some are probably not.
Reasons Not to Delegate, and Amber's Counter-Opinions
(Note: many of these reasons overlap. I separated them out to emphasize different aspects.)
"Should" (my main reason) These are my responsibilities; therefore, I "should" be able to do them.
Counter: There are too many factors to evaluate. Just because I have a responsibility does not mean I am capable of meeting it on my own. The fact that I am a housewife with a responsibility to keep the house clean does not negate the fact that I have debilitating depression that sometimes keeps me crying in bed all day. The "should" factor doesn't account for unexpected tragedies, or God-given opportunities, or illness or injury. Playing the "should" card is shooting myself in the foot. It makes me guilty for something out of my control - and that is always from the devil.
Ambiguity (I think Heather was the one who mentioned this). We don't know who to ask, what to ask for, or how to ask for help.
Counter: In my experience, I get confused because of fear. I don't know who to ask because I'm afraid they will either reject my request or judge me. I don't know what to ask for because a) I don't know my own needs, b) I don't know what I will trust someone else to do for me, c) I don't want to take advantage. I don't know how to ask because I don't want them to feel obligated to accept. These are very real, and valid fears - but I have to remember that God's command not to be afraid applies here too. If he wants to bless me through someone else's help, I need the courage to reach out and take it.
Selfishness: I want the credit.
Counter: Michelle said something profound in response to these arguments: "It's a blessing to see other peoples' gifts in use." It's also a blessing for other people to serve. And it's downright selfish to insist on doing the tasks ourselves just so we can receive the glory. Yes, we should definitely receive rewards for our work, because the worker deserves his wages. But it's selfish to claim all the work for yourself just so you get to keep all the rewards and praise for yourself.
Pride: I want to prove that I am capable; I can. If I let someone else do this, I am implying that I can't, that I need help, that I am weak. I am independent; I don't need anyone's help.
Counter: This is such a normal human reaction that people think it's acceptable. It is normal to feel this way, but that doesn't mean it's not sinful. To clarify: it's not sinful to do work on your own. It is sinful to not ask for needed help because of pride. And it can hurt you and those around you, because as Beth Moore says, "Too much responsibility might hurt those you are trying to serve." More quantity sometimes equals less quality.
Risk of inconvenience: I know that I will do it right. I might spend time and effort showing someone else how to do this, and then they'll do it wrong, and then I'll just have to fix their mistakes and that will take more time. And I don't have the patience to keep re-training someone who just can't get it right.
Counter: I have to agree that these are all very practical reasons not to accept help. If my priorities are only to be timely and error-free, then yes - I should do it myself. But if I step back and look at the whole picture, I see eternal rewards for the inconveniences of allowing someone else to do the task:
Risk of looking bad: If this person fails, my boss will think the failure is my fault. If this person fails, I look bad. I don't think I can trust this person with my reputation.
Counter: See above. It's true that it's a risk, and the practical solution is to do it myself. But the long-term rewards for delegating are phenomenal, both for you and for the person who takes on the task.
Guilt: I don't want to inconvenience anyone.
Counter: I should only feel guilty if I try to make others feel guilty. Consider the difference between these two requests:
"I know you aren't working full time, but I'm really swamped, so can you please do this little thing for me?"
"Would you be able to help me with this? If not, no worries."
People are capable of saying "no." If they aren't good at saying "no," it's not my fault (unless I am aware of this and take advantage of it). Guilt shouldn't motivate me (see also the first Reason not to Delegate, "Should.")
My biggest reasons not to ask for help are that I "Should" do it myself and a false assumption that I am capable (Pride). God has worn down my perfectionist tendencies so I no longer struggle with "Risk of inconvenience" or "Risk of looking bad".
What are your reasons?
The women had so many ideas and scenarios that I could barely keep up scribbling all the great ideas. Here's what the margin of my book looks like:
All these scribbled notes convicted me, and I want to put them in order before I forget what they mean.
First I want to clarify: what does it mean to delegate? Google dictionary says it means to "entrust (a task or responsibility) to another person, typically one who is less senior than oneself."
I have a broader, Amberfied meaning that can also apply to non-work situations: "To allow someone to do something that is normally your own responsibility." And just to show you how broad this is, let me give you some examples from my own life. Forgive me, because this will be a long post and I want to keep it organized, so I'll title the sections.
Things to Delegate
- Joe doing the dishes
- Going out to dinner
- Having frozen pizza for dinner
- Kim vacuuming my house
- Proofreading a paper for a fellow student
- A coworker helping me with paperwork
- A coworker covering my shift
- Babysitting
- Paying someone to paint the interior of the house
- Paying a plumber or an electrician
- Joe bringing me a glass of water
Students are responsible for writing their own papers, but it is a perfectly acceptable shift of responsibility to accept feedback from another pair of eyes before submitting the assignment. I am responsible for working my scheduled shift, but I have the option of passing on this responsibility to a coworker if I need or want to. Parents care for their children, but when I babysit, I am temporarily taking that responsibility from them. Joe and I don't know much about plumbing, so we paid a plumber to repipe our bathroom. This was shifting responsibility too, since we are responsible for our house, and we entrusted part of our house to someone else.
We Have Variable Criteria
We have ideas about what are - or are not - acceptable reasons to delegate. I may have no problem cooking a great dinner for someone who is ill, but I won't have time or energy to cook dinner for my own husband so we'll go out. In this situation, I am accepting someone else's responsibility and passing my own at the same time.
My husband and I aren't experts on plumbing or wiring, so that seems like an acceptable reason to delegate responsibility to a professional. But we might think it unacceptable to pay someone to paint the interior of the house, when we could do it ourselves.
I don't have trouble asking someone to help me clean if I am sick with the flu. But if I'm behind on cleaning because of depression, I struggle to pass the responsibility to someone else. Why? Depression sometimes makes me about as capable as if I had the flu, so I shouldn't feel guilty, right? So we have ideas about when it is okay to delegate and when it is not. And some of these ideas are probably valid and some are probably not.
Reasons Not to Delegate, and Amber's Counter-Opinions
(Note: many of these reasons overlap. I separated them out to emphasize different aspects.)
"Should" (my main reason) These are my responsibilities; therefore, I "should" be able to do them.
Counter: There are too many factors to evaluate. Just because I have a responsibility does not mean I am capable of meeting it on my own. The fact that I am a housewife with a responsibility to keep the house clean does not negate the fact that I have debilitating depression that sometimes keeps me crying in bed all day. The "should" factor doesn't account for unexpected tragedies, or God-given opportunities, or illness or injury. Playing the "should" card is shooting myself in the foot. It makes me guilty for something out of my control - and that is always from the devil.
Ambiguity (I think Heather was the one who mentioned this). We don't know who to ask, what to ask for, or how to ask for help.
Counter: In my experience, I get confused because of fear. I don't know who to ask because I'm afraid they will either reject my request or judge me. I don't know what to ask for because a) I don't know my own needs, b) I don't know what I will trust someone else to do for me, c) I don't want to take advantage. I don't know how to ask because I don't want them to feel obligated to accept. These are very real, and valid fears - but I have to remember that God's command not to be afraid applies here too. If he wants to bless me through someone else's help, I need the courage to reach out and take it.
Selfishness: I want the credit.
Counter: Michelle said something profound in response to these arguments: "It's a blessing to see other peoples' gifts in use." It's also a blessing for other people to serve. And it's downright selfish to insist on doing the tasks ourselves just so we can receive the glory. Yes, we should definitely receive rewards for our work, because the worker deserves his wages. But it's selfish to claim all the work for yourself just so you get to keep all the rewards and praise for yourself.
Pride: I want to prove that I am capable; I can. If I let someone else do this, I am implying that I can't, that I need help, that I am weak. I am independent; I don't need anyone's help.
Counter: This is such a normal human reaction that people think it's acceptable. It is normal to feel this way, but that doesn't mean it's not sinful. To clarify: it's not sinful to do work on your own. It is sinful to not ask for needed help because of pride. And it can hurt you and those around you, because as Beth Moore says, "Too much responsibility might hurt those you are trying to serve." More quantity sometimes equals less quality.
Risk of inconvenience: I know that I will do it right. I might spend time and effort showing someone else how to do this, and then they'll do it wrong, and then I'll just have to fix their mistakes and that will take more time. And I don't have the patience to keep re-training someone who just can't get it right.
Counter: I have to agree that these are all very practical reasons not to accept help. If my priorities are only to be timely and error-free, then yes - I should do it myself. But if I step back and look at the whole picture, I see eternal rewards for the inconveniences of allowing someone else to do the task:
- People feel needed, wanted, loved, and trusted when asked to help.
- People feel cared for when I take the time to show them how to do things correctly.
- People feel cared for when I have the patience to correct them instead of just taking the task back.
- People feel useful when they can help someone else.
- Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you might have to show him over and over until he gets it, but after that he will eat for a lifetime.
Risk of looking bad: If this person fails, my boss will think the failure is my fault. If this person fails, I look bad. I don't think I can trust this person with my reputation.
Counter: See above. It's true that it's a risk, and the practical solution is to do it myself. But the long-term rewards for delegating are phenomenal, both for you and for the person who takes on the task.
Guilt: I don't want to inconvenience anyone.
Counter: I should only feel guilty if I try to make others feel guilty. Consider the difference between these two requests:
"I know you aren't working full time, but I'm really swamped, so can you please do this little thing for me?"
"Would you be able to help me with this? If not, no worries."
People are capable of saying "no." If they aren't good at saying "no," it's not my fault (unless I am aware of this and take advantage of it). Guilt shouldn't motivate me (see also the first Reason not to Delegate, "Should.")
My biggest reasons not to ask for help are that I "Should" do it myself and a false assumption that I am capable (Pride). God has worn down my perfectionist tendencies so I no longer struggle with "Risk of inconvenience" or "Risk of looking bad".
What are your reasons?
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