GUESS WHAT! I HAVE POOR IMPULSE CONTROL!

I have ideas to continue with the "Why I Shouldn't Be Depressed" series, but at the urging of my Bible Study girls I'm just going to post anyway.

I'm not doing great.  I confess, I was waiting to post until I was doing better.  Nobody wants to keep reading the "Yep, still depressed" thing.  And who knows?  The next ten posts may be that.  But as my pastor's favorite hymn "Come, Ye Sinners" says, "If you tarry till you're better, you will never post at all."  It's actually "come" but it applies: if I wait till I'm feeling great, who knows when my next post will be.  And as I learned last night from the Bible Study girls (particularly Heather, Amanda, and Syndi) people more readily take encouragement from broken people than fixed people.  And I'm broken.  So I have to be completely honest and say: I'm not doing great.

I have discovered the weirdest new symptom.  Joe mentioned it the other day after he learned I had eaten five string cheese (not that there's anything wrong with that [Seinfeld quote]).  I would take one from the fridge, sit down and watch my show while I ate it, pause my show, and then get another one from the fridge.  It wasn't like I had a particular craving for five string cheese.  But every time I finished one, I'd get another one.  Not a big deal, right?

Then I did the same thing with...green beans.  I made a pot of green beans and ate it.  Then another, and another.  Three pots of green beans.

Then I did it with Grey's Anatomy.  At least three times in a day, I turned off the TV.  And five minutes later, I turned it back on again.

Joe said I should mention this to the doctor.  I didn't think it was a big deal.  But yesterday I basically told a friend Syndi to shut up during Bible Study (I'm so sorry Syndi).  If that isn't shocking enough, I swore during Bible Study (and if you must know what word, it's the same word that can be implied by abbreviating Bible Study). 

Yesterday there were five minutes where I decided to foster a child, followed by five minutes in which I decided I would never watch TV again (and then five minutes later, watched TV).

And this morning, at 4 AM while I was lying awake being struck with the idea that "Oh my gosh, poor impulse control is a symptom of mental illness," I almost woke up Joe to tell him "GUESS WHAT!  I HAVE POOR IMPULSE CONTROL!"  This would be similar to two weeks ago when I woke up Joe to tell him I was going to the store to get a pregnancy test, even though there was no way I was pregnant.

I have an appointment with the psychiatrist on Tuesday.  I must say I'm a little relieved to discover that this oddball behavior isn't me.  I am also totally embarrassed that I've basically been advertising my mental illness, whatever it is, in the form of bizarre behavior.  It's one thing to say "I admit, I'm mentally ill" and another to go around blurting whatever you think at the moment.

So that's where I am.  I have ideas about other, more spiritual things to post.  But today, this is what you get.