Priorities

Confession: I feel like I am finally learning how to live a long-known lesson.
Confession: I have seen few examples of friends and family committing the same sin. So I can't blame this on anyone but me.

Lesson: God before husband before kids before relatives before friends before strangers.

People have said I have a "servant's heart." The truth is, I am a servant whenever I feel appreciated. So if I feel like my husband doesn't appreciate me, I'll jump straight to "family, friends, and strangers" (since I don't have kids yet). I justified my misguided efforts by saying, "Well, God comes first, right? And I serve him by serving others, right?"

I can't wait to have kids. It'll be difficult and rewarding and I can't wait. I will be a fantastic mom (most of the time) and Joe will be a great dad, teaching his kids soccer and video games and setting a good spiritual and career example.

But having kids is not the reason I married Joe. I married him to serve him; to be his helpmate. Though child-rearing is a wonderful thing, I would be sinning against Joe - taking advantage of his goodwill - if I married him merely for children.

It follows that the best way I can serve God (#1 on my priority list) is to serve Joe (#2). By strengthening our marital foundation, I am serving our future children's best interests (#3). When I am being the best helpmate and future mother I can be, I can move on to helping extended family, and friends. And in the midst of that, I can help strangers.

Not serving my husband is like not taking care of my own body. Our lives are one. If I don't serve him, our marriage struggles - which means I struggle. When I struggle, I will be a less capable mother. This will spread to every other serving effort - to relatives, friends, and strangers.

So even though it feels more glamorous to serve meals to the homeless, or to a friend who's ill, my first responsibility is to serve meals to my husband. It feels more glamorous to vacuum a relative's house; but I must first vacuum my own.

In the long run, this will make me better able to serve others.

Caveat: I have very little experience practicing this principle. I've been married for only a year; I have no children; and though I've known about this principle, I have struggled greatly through it, especially in the face of depression.

That said, my biggest struggle has been housecleaning. A friend from church helped me to set up a cleaning card file last year (Hey Nancy), which I used off and on, but never consistently. Since my anti-depressants kicked in, I have rewritten the file and set up a whole-house system - and I've been consistent for a week! So even though I have little experience in the "husband first" area, I know I am improving with God's help.

And can I just say - what a difference between not wanting to clean while depressed and while not depressed! I am now proudly able to do things I don't want to do without having an anxiety attack. I spent the last year feeling lazy for not being able to make myself do simple tasks without spending the rest of the day in bed.

I can't praise my husband highly enough. My depression has been tough on both of us, but he has been patient with me. God's certainly made it easy for me to serve him lately!

And as long as I keep my priorities straight, the children-relatives-friends-strangers will fall into place.

Here's a funny blog post I ran across, about a woman who suddenly realized she was becoming a 1950s housewife. I would wear aprons too, except it's been too warm for any extra layers.