Oh friends, I feel much better, and it must be because all of you are praying!
You know...since I started this blog, people have said how brave I am for sharing my sins out in the open. It's "brave" because supposedly I took a risk - the risk of being rejected and alienated by people I know and love.
Ironically, the confession of my sins and my weaknesses has only led to more acceptance. This tells me two things:
- Confessing sin leads to freedom and love.
- Therefore, we don't need to be afraid to confess our sin.
I would argue that the risk of sin confession is much less frightening than the prospect of living a guilty life.
So here's how I'm really doing:
Apart from some anxiety this morning, I am mentally very alert today. Physically I still feel pretty slow. I plan to go shopping with Charlyn as my main activity, and focus on school the rest of the time. Today would normally be my heavy cleaning day but it's going to be shopping instead. My goal is to do my daily chores, my shopping, some of this week's schoolwork, and make dinner.
Confession: I always thought that people who had "suicidal thoughts" were just suffering from anxiety and loneliness. I thought they just needed someone to pay attention to them. But three days ago I experienced the worst depression yet, and I had suicidal thoughts. I am horrified to admit it. The thoughts just popped up in my brain, unexplained, shocking.
I admit, I should have told someone. And I admit the reason I didn't was pretty stupid: I didn't want to cause a fuss. But despite the thoughts, I felt completely safe because Joe was there.
Don't be worried. I'm calling my doctor as soon as I post this. I just wanted to tell you.
Comments
Post a Comment